Valentine

Gideon turned four years old today. It's hard to believe that its only been that long. Sometimes I feel as though I have known him forever, like he has always been a part of me. I can't imagine not being his mother, not loving him with everything in me. I remember when I was pregnant with him. I felt like I was growing a stranger in my belly, yet I loved him. When finally he was born and laid in my arms he was so foreign to me, even though he was me, and was my body.

I feel that way about Jubilee now. She's a faceless vision. So close, like a word on the tip of my tongue that I just can't quite speak. Still, she has filled me with a thousand thoughts. I love her, like I loved Gideon, swimming so close to the beat of my heart.

It makes me think of God and how He loves. How much deeper and stronger and more encompassing is His love for me than my love is for my own children. He cannot separate Himself from His love for me. He can't ever just be 'God'. He is a father, and that is eternal. Loving a child is something that has no end. He loved me before me, as I love Jubilee before she exists. That love will follow me endlessly. Not because I am anything. Just because I am His.