Knots

I heard about referrals coming from Rwanda around 5 AM. My good friend and waiting buddy received one of two referrals she was expecting and called me immediately so I could check my own email. My hands were shaking as I waiting for the computer to boot up. I pulled up my in-box and sat there a long time, staring at nothing.

I am an emotional roller-coaster today. I waver between feeling ok and that it gets here when it gets here, and then 5 minutes later tears spring from my eyes and I want to find an empty hole and crawl in. Sometimes I feel like this will never end.

My caseworker wrote this morning to say that I could expect to see the referral very soon. She thought it would be today. I must have pressed my send/receive button 200 times. It's almost 8 PM in Rwanda now. I have to accept that its not coming today.

I am in knots. I can hardly stand this. I am going insane.