I am standing at the starting line waiting for the gun to shoot. I have actively prepared 1 1/2 years for this moment. I have done the drills, put in months of hard work and determination. I was destined to run this race my whole life. I am standing, toes punching the line, muscles tense, mind and heart focused. Every nerve in my body is buzzing, waiting for the gun to open fire.
I have never in my life felt so much like this. Ever. Not my wedding. Not when I went into labor with my first. Or my second. I had more control over those events, but this referral: this invisible, looming, intangible referral- oh for words.
This morning two AWAA families received referrals from Rwanda. I naturally broke into sweat and began punching my send-receive button every 45 seconds. I am with this group. I have to be. Not long after, I received an email from our Power of Attorney. She said that my referral was ready, has been ready, and that it was up to the ministry when to send it. It could be tomorrow. It could be up to two weeks, but to be watching.
I am beside myself. I am happy. I’m thrilled. I’m disappointed. I’m impatient. I’m delighted for others. I’m jealous. On the outside I am changing diapers, running errands, playing with the kids. But inches deeper, under the surface of my tasks and routine, I am a woman gone mad. If my heart could stuff in another emotion it would surely burst.
Amidst the entourage of emotion, I feel peace. I feel gratitude. My little baby girl is so close to coming home. She is so close to being unveiled. I will see her face. Her fingers. Her hair. Her eyes. In a few days, I will know who she is. My joy abounds.
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How exciting...I can only imagine what it must feel like. Hopefully you get that email soon:)
ReplyDeleteCouldn't have said it any better. So glad to be in this together!
ReplyDeleteI see the tumult of emotions in your eyes. I hear the sound of joy...shrill with trepidation, both dread and delight in your voice. I see it in the way you walk, the way you look at the boys, the way you step into the frilly pink nursery that sits idle, with your fingers touching the curtains, the blanket, the empty sheets. She is coming. Surely as the sun rises and sets....jublilation time is about to dawn. Jubilee is about to get a family! :) I love you!
ReplyDeleteOh, Hanna, you have been on my heart since the first news of referrals yesterday! We are pulling for you, spectators perched on the edges of our seats as we await the starting gun of this race you're running! Praying for a swift release of all that pent-up love you've been gathering for your little girl through this long wait! Can't wait to share your jubilation!
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